She’s still so young, but it is so amazing to me that 5 years has gone. I wouldn’t say fast, that seems too cliche. Plus, those toddler years were not quick at all, but they were quick enough. I’m honestly not looking forward to the days where we begin to grow apart. For instance, when she wants to go be with her friends or be with a crush more than family.
When I think about that, I begin to think that maybe I don’t spend enough time with her now. I know that is quite irrational, I’m with her when I can, and not with her so she can grow. Which may sound weird to homeschooling or stay-at-home moms. She is always with family. And unlike me, she is so extroverted and LOVES being around the people she loves. I never have to worry about her being scarred and unable to be comforted by me. She is so confident.
Who would have known that that tiny baby girl in my arms in January 2015 would grow into this strong, confident, extroverted child.
(I know it’s probably very awkward to hear about my womanly business, but it is my blog, not yours, so nyeh!)
I really have been enjoying. And gosh, I have felt SO much better since getting off the pill!
It took two months for my body finally get a nice standard pattern. I was actually expecting ovulation to start immediately, but I don’t think it did. OvuView (the app I’m using to keep track) detected ovulation. My temperatures were drastically weird that first month of charting, and basically stayed that way through next month too. I’m no expert on it, and suppose it is possible I did ovulate both months but it was just very unclear. Here’s a picture of that first month for anyone curious.
My temps before and after ovulation have been pretty consistent with their lows and highs. The “before” never going above the Coverline, and the “after” don’t have those weird ups and downs. Also ovulation is a nice rise and super obvious now.
Any yeah. That’s BBT Charting for ya. I really like it. Totally worth trying out if you’re curious about your body. It can really help with learning about hormones too. 10/10 recommend. BUT as a birth control…I wouldn’t advice just winging it all willy-nilly (is that a pun?). I advise using other forms of birth control until at least 3 days past ovulation.
Ok, yeah, this one gets kind of personal. But I feel the need to express my frustration with my OBGYN and my dislike for hormonal birth control.
First off, I would like to say that YOU are entitled to your body more than anyone else. YOU know your body more than anyone else. If ANYONE tries to tell you that they know what’s best for your body, you need to agree wholeheartedly.
My cycle is normally 25-27 days. Sometimes it might come in a day early, but those are usually my highly stressed-out months. Yes…I have never missed a period because of stress. Stress has ALWAYS made my period start early. And I can’t hate on it, because I always feel MUCH better after my period comes. It’s like my body knows that time-of-the-month chills me out or something. I don’t know the science, I only know how my body works.
Well, a few months back (March to be precise) my cycle did some very funny things. My period was a whole two weeks late!! The ONLY TIME my period has been late was when I got pregnant with Isla. I didn’t think there was any way I could be pregnant, but I took a test anyways. I took a lot of tests. And near my two week late mark, I got a positive. I freaked out in disbelief, but I suppose anything could be possible, but I was so certain I couldn’t be.
Mother was scared for me because I had surgery about a year ago from then for cervical cancer (it ended up being benign, thank GOD). She wanted me to get checked just in case something was wrong. I don’t know what can cause a positive on a test besides pregnancy, so I called my OBGYN. The one I have been going to for over 2 years now. Not by choice, but because they are the only ones in our city that takes good ol’ medicaid.
When she finally sees me, I explain how I got a positive pregnancy test (which I had taken a picture of and was ready to flash in their faces super fast if need be), how I had been super tired (taking naps -outa character for me), my breast had been a little sensitive, and nausea had been kicking my butt. Gosh, I felt pregnant.
“Well, our pregnancy test came back negative.”
Ok…………..and? Do you think I’m lying (I’m about to take this picture out!)?
That was all they said to me. They took some samples of me to test for infections (as per usual with check ups) and then we talked. I tell her I’m slightly freaked out because I’m not ready for another kid, and how there was no way I could even be pregnant, considering. All she says to me is that she can give me birth control. WTF?
[[Now, as a note, I would like to mention how I told her MANY times how I am very uninterested in birth control, especially the hormonal kind. I was on it for a majority of my teenage life and after I finally got of it, when I was 20, I started feeling a million times better than I ever had. Plus, I’m Catholic now, and it’s against my religious code. She told me about the non-hormonal copper IUD. I told her I wasn’t very interested because I had a friend who legit got pregnant with that, and I had heard a lot of horror stories about it connecting to the uterus wall, or something horrible like that, anyways.
But most importantly, I NEVER asked about birth control. I’m 26. I know about the process, and if I did get pregnant, I can 100% handle it. I did it once at 22, I can do it again. I’m older and wiser and have had legit practice. I only went in there for check ups. And never once did I mention my period being unpredictable (because it wasn’t).]]
She says “Well, you have irregular periods.” HUH? No, I don’t. “And being on birth control will help regulate your cycles.”
My legit response was, “My periods are pretty consistent and regular.”
She just shrugged at me.
In my head, I be like this —> Did I mention that I got a positive pregnancy test? Shouldn’t you be looking to make sure I’m not miscarrying or got cancer or hormone issues?
She goes on to preach about birth control in a condescending manor, as if I’m 15, and how it will really help with my irregular periods. Did she not even hear me say my periods are regular? This lady has been practically shoving BC down my throat for my last few visits. I was fired up, but being that I’m shy and don’t like to express my feelings, I just said sure. And she prescribed me a low dose of hormonal pills with a very satisfied look. I wonder if she gets commission for passing out BC prescriptions. Hmmm.
Ok. So I told Daniel about how the OBGYN said everything looked normal and fine and that I would begin these dang pills. Oh, and like 3 days later my period finally arrived and was HORRIBLE.
Eventually, I met with my general practitioner for an update on my anxiety. She knew about my cycle issue, and asked how that all went. I told her about the whole incident and how it left me feeling very defeated. She encouraged me to get off the pill and that she was shocked that the OBGYN pushed BC on me so heavily. I told her I would try and see if it worked out.
It’s now October. Wanna know how I feel on a low dosage of hormones?
I’ve been bloated for 2 months. This is the only negative symptom I have noticed. But there haven’t been any positive ones, except I don’t have to keep up with the calendar to know when aunt flow is coming. But being bloated is enough to make me hate it. I actually enjoyed my pants fitting.
Needless to say, I will be stopping my BC after this pack, and I refuse to go back to the OBGYN until I get on some good insurance.
Below are pictures of the home pregnancy test that came back positive.
Isla started Pre-K this week. And I started the fall semester with her.
I guess it should be known that I got a job at the library. I’m very happy about it. Despite the low pay and what not, I’m making enough to be thoroughly satisfied for someone without a degree yet. I’m actually very happy with the pay, because they gave me a raise when they reinstated me!
I’m getting off topic, though. Shall we get back to the chaotic week? I mentioned work because this week has been the most hours I have received so far. Working 12-6. This is almost similar to one of my most hated shifts…the 11-7. I hate the 11-7 shift because you literally have no time to have a day. Well… 12-6 is fairly similar.
And when you have to get your kid to school by 7:55 and your not home till 8:30 and you need all your needs met before beginning school work…. it causes you to fall a bit behind. I get off at 6, pick Isla up, get home at 7, get her bathed and down by 8, and then I pass out around 9. See….no time! So I’ve been pretty dang stressed this week with trying to manage time.
I’m actually procrastinating while writing this blog. But I go in at 2 today, so I get a little more free time!
I have a lot of other things I want to talk about. Mostly mommy insecurities involving Pre-K. But I should really get back to my school work right this minute so I’m not freaking out this weekend when everything is due.
I’ll try to get on here Saturday and actually talk about things. I might make two posts! Try to.
I have been Isla free for almost 7 days. Granted, this mini mom vacay was brought in part by it being Nathan’s weekend and my wisdom tooth being pulled out and being doped up on pain pills for the two days Isla was supposed to be home with me.
The break has been nice. Two days of it were spent sleeping and some weird state of hungover/high that I was very fund of. Those pain pills made me feel so nauseous, but better nauseous than in pain, amma rite? Daniel spent those two day with me, taking care of me when I couldn’t function properly and giving me company where company was needed (And for me that is quite often from him. I enjoy his company, what can I say?).
On the fourth of July, we binged on Stranger Things 3. I could eat normal food by this point, so I had Daniel get me the best of the best from Taco Bell (which for me is the Gordita Crunch with chicken instead of beef and those nacho fries, omager yum!). It hurt a little to eat them, but you know what… WORTH IT!
Yesterday we created a Ghoul Gang to explore the old E.A. Conway Hospital that is supposedly haunted. Evidence was very slim, but we did make it out with a picture that is questionable. It’ll be the next discussion on the podcast, so if you wanna hear about that eperience, I suggest you look out for the podcast (which you follow the link at the top of tha page titled HWY16 Podcast) because we would love to have your ear!
Today is a chill day, and tomorrow is Mass and grocery shopping. Then mom life returns to normal again. Until school begins, anyways.
Q1: If an eating disorder isn’t about food or weight, what is it all about? And, what has it done to you personally?
Well, I once knew a girl who had an eating disorder. She suffered from bulimia, but not in a way most of us imagine. Her eating disorder started when she was very young. Before grade school from what I was told. She was the skinniest of everyone in her family, who were all very average weights. The problem with this girl was that her stomach would not hold down food. No matter what she ate, she would vomit it back up. She had to take medicine for it. I don’t know exactly what caused this problem, whether it was trauma or something, but it was diagnosed as an eating disorder. To this day she is still very thin. I haven’t spoken to her since she was in grade school, but I’m sure it still affects her, as she is still skinnier than everyone else in her family and it appears borderline unhealthy. From this, I can guess that it can sometimes be illness or even trauma related.
For me personally, I suffered from body dysmorphia, causing me to be somewhere between bulimic and anorexic. I would often times fast a whole day to make up for overeating the day before (when I didn’t actually overeat). I practically worshiped the scale. I saw myself as much bigger than I was. Even at my smallest. As many times as I was told I had a problem, I never listened. I assumed everyone was like me when it came to being weight conscious. It wasn’t until I started my anxiety medication for my OCD that I began being comfortable with my body image. It still feels weird to look in a mirror and see myself just right. My body had depressed me for years. I would work out, eat little, eat only certain “healthy foods”. I feel much more free now.
Q2: What is the most difficult thing to handle with your disorder?
The most difficult thing to handle from my OCD are intrusive thoughts, hands down!