Anxiety

I went to the doctor, yesterday. I have had some issues with anxiety, but I never felt the need to go until Daniel recommended it. I lied about the severity of my anxiety to the doctor, because I really didn’t want to sound crazy. I have pure-o. It’s like OCD but all in your head. And it is not something I enjoy describing to people.

I got on a small amount of anxiety medication for my “test anxiety” (which I do have as well) and that little bit of extra serotonin really helped me out. I was feeling pretty good. Better than I had in a long while. I also had to start taking Vitamin D because I lack it apparently. Did you know a lack of VD can cause anxiety problems?!

Well, my 6 months of using the pills were coming to an end, and so was that easiness. I had to space the pills out so I could ease myself off them. And it was not going well. Daniel said that he could see me going back to the old anxious ways and recommended I talk SERIOUSLY with my doctor about what all is REALLY going on. So, I did.

I explained to my doctor yesterday that I think I have OCD, pure-o. These horrible thoughts that haunt me and I hate them and stress causes them and they cause me stress and so I get more anxious. And how coming off the medicines was causing them to start up again. I told her I’ve never actually been diagnosed but I just know that this is what’s going on. I gave her examples…which probably made me look crazy. Especially since I was panicking while talking to her about it. At least I didn’t cry. I cried about it with Daniel the first time I explained it to him. I hate talking about it!

Afterwards, she brought in a counselor to speak with me. And…I have been diagnosed with severe anxiety.

The counselor was super sweet and told me her story. She gave me some calming techniques. I got my prescriptions refilled. And got some lab work done. My VD is still low, so I have to take 50mcg a day. Opposed to 25mcg.

I need to get out more and go walking.

—The thoughts I have are not always a problem for me. I can dismiss them sometimes like a normal human, but other times I let them eat me alive. They’re like lil episodes. Some worse than others. Some episodes last months, some last days. If I’m not having an episode, then I’m not having the thoughts at all. It just depends on how much stress I’m experiencing. And University has kicked my butt. So just note…it’s not an everyday thing. The regular anxiety tends to be, though.—