Rational Relationship Advice

Relationships seem complicated these days. We have all these romance novels and flicks showing us how beautiful and wonderful true love is.

And it’s all bullshanks.

Did you lock eyes with your mother and just know this was the person you would love for the rest of your life, and then never fought? HELL NO.

So why would this happen with a guy or gal who isn’t someone from your immediate family? It doesn’t. Relationships take work. You had to get to know your family to love them. And sometimes…you don’t even like them. Some people don’t like their families at all. And these are people you should love unconditionally because fam!

But love is something that comes with trust and respect. It isn’t something you just know. It’s not something that magically occurs and stays. It’s something that HAPPENS. There’s a difference. See…asking for someone’s respect leads to not trusting them. And asking for someone’s trust makes it hard to respect them. Because at any moment…at any change, those things can slip away. But when trust and respect happen naturally…. everything can fall into place. Trust and respect come because you LOVE someone. Unconditionally. Boy or girl, family or friend. True love forgives. True love is patient. And true love is natural. It happens. It isn’t earned or predicted.

You can’t EXPECT to be loved by someone, nor can you make someone love you. Hell, you don’t have to do those things either. Love comes because it just does. When you see a gadget at the mall and think of that friend who would love that, and you buy that thing for them…and it’s not their birthday or Christmas. It’s heartwarming (or gross).

If I haven’t gotten through to you what love is yet, then maybe I’m not the right person to explain it. But if you are in some blossoming romance, here are some key tips to starting out building a RATIONAL relationship.

EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING IN COMMON

SNAP OUT OF IT!

No no no nono o no noo !!!

Fated should be a word saved for the past. No one is fated until it is done. You may feel stuck and fated…but no! That’s your dumb conspiracy brain talking.

People have things in common. It is how content is alive. It’s how we connect. There is only so much to connect with, and guess what….you’re going to be looking for the things you like. So, yeah. Of course you noticed those things because you would notice. And that makes you want to talk about those things and connect…just like the other people in the room who like those things, or have had those things, or whatever it is you’re noticing.

Connecting is good. Having things in common is good. But that doesn’t mean a relationship needs to be romantic. Connecting is something that starts friendship. Which is great! Get in there and be friends!

PERFECT EVERYTHING

Ok, we all have our type…but that doesn’t mean that since he looks like your math class doodle from the 9th grade that you’re meant to be. Maybe you’re just psychic and telling yourself to stay away. Hehe.

No one is perfect. They can be perfectly imperfect. Meaning…what issues are you willing to put up with? Don’t kid yourself on this. You need to know this before things go further. It’s doable. Trust me. And that person will be beautiful to you no matter what they look like.

PLAYING GAMES

This one PEEVES me.

If you play games…. STOP. Just stop. If someone likes you then they will be with you. There is no point in playing games. It’s narcissistic, manipulative, crazy, and unnecessary. If you have to play games to keep whoever around…then get lost and leave them alone. They don’t deserve that just as much as you don’t. They are entitled to love who they want, and so are you. This is so evil.

Just love and live. Please.

HONESTY

WHOA! Yeah, admit your feelings. Who cares? You and the person who loves you. Your ego shouldn’t be affected by minor rejection. If you’re friends, it’ll be funny looking back. If you guys aren’t friends, then good riddens. And, hey, maybe they’re interested too. There is nothing wrong with admitting to something. From a crush to something from a previous relationship that scarred you. You are always entitled to feel what you want, but you’re not necessarily entitled to act how you want. If that was the case, we would all be comatose idiots. The point of a relationship is to grow with one another. Lacking in honesty and communication is not going to allow someone to understand you.

Think of it like a team sport. If you’re playing soccer, or football, you can’t do great if your team doesn’t communicate with you how they’re going to play. You can’t win that way. You usually have some indication that says “Hey! Pass the ball to me!” and then you have to trust this person to make a goal or not lose the ball. An if they do, you don’t kick them off your team, you just tell them to practice harder next time.

FIGHTING

A healthy relationship has fighting. Did you know? Just because you disagree about a minor thing and bicker about it all day, isn’t the end of the world. This is normal. This is part of communicating. Fighting about a small thing can keep bigger issues from arising. If the issue keeps happening, well, it’s time to move on. Compromising is a huge deal in any relationship. And don’t be a pushover or a yes-man. It’s more fun to have differences. It keeps you growing. Plus, you shouldn’t be afraid to be who you are around the person you want to potentially spend forever with.

Of course, if you’re fighting ALL the time. And things are getting bad physically, then leave. Fights should be resolved quickly and end with smiles. There should never be an aftermath to a fight painted on anyone’s skin, walls, or mind. Abuse is bad.

*****

Yes, I did all these annoying things once in my life. I watched friends do all these things. Leave fairytales for the books. It has only been recent that people get married according to feelings and not arrangements. But a relationship is an arrangement. Not a feeling. Gooey tummies are a feeling. And feelings do not last forever. They are temporary, and that is why a relationship shouldn’t be based off a feeling. Love is a feeling and an action.  You may not always feel the LOVE but you can always act in it from the kindness of your heart.

There is so much more I could say but I’m so unsure of how to put it all into words. Please forgive me if I wasn’t clear or missed some points.