Diary Entry: Schools Done For the Summer!

Yay!! Schools done!!! I have an A and a B. I think. I’m pretty sure. So I did pretty well! Computer science is not my forte. So I’ll leave that to Daniel.

Tonight, we’re having a slight get together. Bridget, Tyler, Daniel, and me. In celebration and because we just like chilling. It’s Nathan’s weekend, so I must chill hard.

I’ve been trying to read a ton. I wanna finish a couple of books before Isla returns Sunday evening. We have a birthday party to attend tomorrow. My childhood best friend is having a party for her boy. I’m a bit nervous, because antisocial, but I’m happy to see her and have Isla play with other kids.

So glad to be free.

Should probably find a summer job though.

Diary Entry: Last Week of University

It’s not technically my last week. I mean it is, but just temporarily. After this week, I’ll be preparing to head back to community college to get a few more credits and complete my associates.

I’m very excited to go back to the community college! It feels much better over there. I always say I’m excited, though. Then I fall into a “I can’t handle it” anxiety attack. But maybe now that I’m properly medicating I can feel better about everything.

Isla got into preK at my old elementary school!! This will also make things much easier! Considering half my classes are online, it’ll give me time and less stress. Hopefully.

My final is tomorrow. I keep having dreams that I won’t make an A for the semester. I’mma dork. I can’t wait for it to be over with so I can feel free from this place.

Gosh… This past academic year was awful for me. Hopefully things brighten up.

Rational Relationship Advice

Relationships seem complicated these days. We have all these romance novels and flicks showing us how beautiful and wonderful true love is.

And it’s all bullshanks.

Did you lock eyes with your mother and just know this was the person you would love for the rest of your life, and then never fought? HELL NO.

So why would this happen with a guy or gal who isn’t someone from your immediate family? It doesn’t. Relationships take work. You had to get to know your family to love them. And sometimes…you don’t even like them. Some people don’t like their families at all. And these are people you should love unconditionally because fam!

But love is something that comes with trust and respect. It isn’t something you just know. It’s not something that magically occurs and stays. It’s something that HAPPENS. There’s a difference. See…asking for someone’s respect leads to not trusting them. And asking for someone’s trust makes it hard to respect them. Because at any moment…at any change, those things can slip away. But when trust and respect happen naturally…. everything can fall into place. Trust and respect come because you LOVE someone. Unconditionally. Boy or girl, family or friend. True love forgives. True love is patient. And true love is natural. It happens. It isn’t earned or predicted.

You can’t EXPECT to be loved by someone, nor can you make someone love you. Hell, you don’t have to do those things either. Love comes because it just does. When you see a gadget at the mall and think of that friend who would love that, and you buy that thing for them…and it’s not their birthday or Christmas. It’s heartwarming (or gross).

If I haven’t gotten through to you what love is yet, then maybe I’m not the right person to explain it. But if you are in some blossoming romance, here are some key tips to starting out building a RATIONAL relationship.

EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING IN COMMON

SNAP OUT OF IT!

No no no nono o no noo !!!

Fated should be a word saved for the past. No one is fated until it is done. You may feel stuck and fated…but no! That’s your dumb conspiracy brain talking.

People have things in common. It is how content is alive. It’s how we connect. There is only so much to connect with, and guess what….you’re going to be looking for the things you like. So, yeah. Of course you noticed those things because you would notice. And that makes you want to talk about those things and connect…just like the other people in the room who like those things, or have had those things, or whatever it is you’re noticing.

Connecting is good. Having things in common is good. But that doesn’t mean a relationship needs to be romantic. Connecting is something that starts friendship. Which is great! Get in there and be friends!

PERFECT EVERYTHING

Ok, we all have our type…but that doesn’t mean that since he looks like your math class doodle from the 9th grade that you’re meant to be. Maybe you’re just psychic and telling yourself to stay away. Hehe.

No one is perfect. They can be perfectly imperfect. Meaning…what issues are you willing to put up with? Don’t kid yourself on this. You need to know this before things go further. It’s doable. Trust me. And that person will be beautiful to you no matter what they look like.

PLAYING GAMES

This one PEEVES me.

If you play games…. STOP. Just stop. If someone likes you then they will be with you. There is no point in playing games. It’s narcissistic, manipulative, crazy, and unnecessary. If you have to play games to keep whoever around…then get lost and leave them alone. They don’t deserve that just as much as you don’t. They are entitled to love who they want, and so are you. This is so evil.

Just love and live. Please.

HONESTY

WHOA! Yeah, admit your feelings. Who cares? You and the person who loves you. Your ego shouldn’t be affected by minor rejection. If you’re friends, it’ll be funny looking back. If you guys aren’t friends, then good riddens. And, hey, maybe they’re interested too. There is nothing wrong with admitting to something. From a crush to something from a previous relationship that scarred you. You are always entitled to feel what you want, but you’re not necessarily entitled to act how you want. If that was the case, we would all be comatose idiots. The point of a relationship is to grow with one another. Lacking in honesty and communication is not going to allow someone to understand you.

Think of it like a team sport. If you’re playing soccer, or football, you can’t do great if your team doesn’t communicate with you how they’re going to play. You can’t win that way. You usually have some indication that says “Hey! Pass the ball to me!” and then you have to trust this person to make a goal or not lose the ball. An if they do, you don’t kick them off your team, you just tell them to practice harder next time.

FIGHTING

A healthy relationship has fighting. Did you know? Just because you disagree about a minor thing and bicker about it all day, isn’t the end of the world. This is normal. This is part of communicating. Fighting about a small thing can keep bigger issues from arising. If the issue keeps happening, well, it’s time to move on. Compromising is a huge deal in any relationship. And don’t be a pushover or a yes-man. It’s more fun to have differences. It keeps you growing. Plus, you shouldn’t be afraid to be who you are around the person you want to potentially spend forever with.

Of course, if you’re fighting ALL the time. And things are getting bad physically, then leave. Fights should be resolved quickly and end with smiles. There should never be an aftermath to a fight painted on anyone’s skin, walls, or mind. Abuse is bad.

*****

Yes, I did all these annoying things once in my life. I watched friends do all these things. Leave fairytales for the books. It has only been recent that people get married according to feelings and not arrangements. But a relationship is an arrangement. Not a feeling. Gooey tummies are a feeling. And feelings do not last forever. They are temporary, and that is why a relationship shouldn’t be based off a feeling. Love is a feeling and an action.  You may not always feel the LOVE but you can always act in it from the kindness of your heart.

There is so much more I could say but I’m so unsure of how to put it all into words. Please forgive me if I wasn’t clear or missed some points.

photo from Learn Religions

Update: My Ex Lost His Girlfriend

I realized I never touched up on this. It was not a long relationship. They ended up breaking up because both of them stink at relationships. But she did so much to him. I have been waiting for it to be left in the dust before talking about it. That way there’s nothing sensitive or biased being posted. It has encouraged me to do a relationship post soon. It’ll probably be my next listy type thing. I hate that it had to happen…but I’m also very glad it did.

Nathan was losing his head in this relationship. He was giving all that he felt comfortable with giving. Which was basically all his love. She lives in Lake Charles, so he would go down once or twice a month to see her.

He wasn’t met with much love back. She would be sleeping or at school or work most of her time and she didn’t bother to squeeze much time in for calling, texting, and/or hanging out with Nathan. Once he went all the way down there to surprise her and she just said ‘hey’ and went out without him. She showed no compassion for him sacrificing time for her….she definitely didn’t do it back. In fact, when she was supposed to come up here to visit (not him) her family, she would cancel. Every time.

See…the thing is…she would talk to him every day all day before they began dating. She never canceled coming up here. She acted like she really cared. They snapchatted often, sending pictures, but when they began dating, she stopped sending pictures and just chatted. She never asked about Nathan’s day or inquired about him. It was making Nathan feel so confused and depressed. He was legit feeling crazy. He told me he wanted medicine to help. That’s how severe this girl was treating him.

They had their good moments (when Nathan initiated it and got her to actually talk face to face) and she would say things how she would put in more effort and that he was being silly. That she wasn’t being any different.

Then as soon has he would go home…nothing changed.

Nathan told me even when they were together she never put her phone down, she was always talking to someone. So her not responding to him was just insane to him. And he begin getting suspicious.

Nathan had prior gone through a school notebook of hers and found a list of names. It was obviously a list of guys she had been with or tried being with or whatever. His name was on it and not scratched out. Along with this one other guy…Chad.

Well…turns out she had been hiding that she was talking to Chad…as just a friend. When Nathan brought that up she accused him of assuming she was cheating on him (something she passionately would never do and has never done). Nathan never even accused her…he was only trying to understand why she was hiding Chad from him and why she was speaking to him is he was on the list of guys she had been with or wanted to be with. She claimed she had no idea what that list was or meant or even remembers writing it.

Then she accused him of being a manipulator because at one point he blocked her on every social media so she would have no choice but to actually call and talk to him. And for attention since she never even liked or acknowledged things he tagged her in on Facebook (which she did before they started dating).

Nathan then believed he was the reason the relationship was failing and that he was overreacting and crazy.

Me, knowing narcissistic behavior when I sees it, told Nathan to get the hell out of the relationship. This was the same crap Nathan had done to me. To think Nathan met his match….damn….

Nathan says that he thinks the relationship was to teach him how he treated me and to make him feel the pain I felt.

I told him that God does work in mysterious ways. Let’s hope neither of us have to feel that pain ever again.

Feeling crazy in a relationship is no bueno.

But now Nathan is feeling like he’s not worth a good girl or anything great…so he wants to settle with his best girl friend….someone he doesn’t actually like in that way…I hope he gets over the relationship soon because I do not like this girl being around my daughter. But that’s another story.

P.S. Sorry if my grammar is off! My daughter his begging for me. I’m on my phone, and don’t feel like drafting! I’ll fix my mistakes laterz. I’m not sure when I’ll be on again! It’s the final week of school and next week is finals! So hold tight for me!