Tonight is one of my good friend’s birthday party. Yet for me, it’s another weekend of being trapped in my house, hoping that maybe I can find a babysitter from 8pm – at least 10pm. This is not only hard to find, but it’s hard for me… Bedtime is at 8pm. Having to take Isla to another place at bedtime is going to throw off the routine. Is throwing off her routine for a night worth going out?
I’m certain I’m not the only mommy who experiences this feeling. Kidless friends may think that going out is as simple as finding someone to watch your child for a couple of hours so you can have fun “Moms need breaks too!”, but they don’t know the mommy guilt that will eat you alive while you’re out having fun while your kid’s routine is now skewed. And how will you bounce back? Skip nap time the next day? But that is bad for growth. Have them sleep most of the day? They would feel so energized and wild with the lack of play. Wake them up early? They would be so cranky and that gives everyone a bad time.
But always telling your friends you can’t go out because you don’t have a babysitter starts looking like an excuse. Soon people just stop asking you to hang out. They become resentful. If only they knew how much of a toll every decision takes on a mom. Losing friends vs raising a healthy child who can depend on you… It’s not even a question.
How do you know when mom guilt becomes irrational? I never feel like I’m being irrational. But I do crave breaks! And I get breaks, only to feel weird and guilty for craving so many breaks! OH, MOM GUILT; an endless paradox!
Yet, I love being a mom.
And who really wants to argue that someone who wants to be with their baby more than go out “needs a break”? They should be proud of their friend for being an awesome mom! It’s a hard job, after all.
Going out should be on the mom’s time. When it’s convenient for their family, not when it’s convenient for friends or anyone else. And Those breaks….they’re guilt free and the best! And bless the friends who understand and come over to hang out with their friend mom and their children.
I guess what I’m saying is that mommies do need breaks, but they need breaks that are free of guilt. Let your friend mom decide when a break is best for them. And if you’re available to come along, go! It will make them so happy!