Mommies Need Breaks Too

Tonight is one of my good friend’s birthday party. Yet for me, it’s another weekend of being trapped in my house, hoping that maybe I can find a babysitter from 8pm – at least 10pm. This is not only hard to find, but it’s hard for me… Bedtime is at 8pm. Having to take Isla to another place at bedtime is going to throw off the routine. Is throwing off her routine for a night worth going out?

I’m certain I’m not the only mommy who experiences this feeling. Kidless friends may think that going out is as simple as finding someone to watch your child for a couple of hours so you can have fun “Moms need breaks too!”, but they don’t know the mommy guilt that will eat you alive while you’re out having fun while your kid’s routine is now skewed. And how will you bounce back? Skip nap time the next day? But that is bad for growth. Have them sleep most of the day? They would feel so energized and wild with the lack of play. Wake them up early? They would be so cranky and that gives everyone a bad time.

But always telling your friends you can’t go out because you don’t have a babysitter starts looking like an excuse. Soon people just stop asking you to hang out. They become resentful. If only they knew how much of a toll every decision takes on a mom. Losing friends vs raising a healthy child who can depend on you… It’s not even a question.

How do you know when mom guilt becomes irrational? I never feel like I’m being irrational. But I do crave breaks! And I get breaks, only to feel weird and guilty for craving so many breaks! OH, MOM GUILT; an endless paradox!

Yet, I love being a mom.

And who really wants to argue that someone who wants to be with their baby more than go out “needs a break”? They should be proud of their friend for being an awesome mom! It’s a hard job, after all.

Going out should be on the mom’s time. When it’s convenient for their family, not when it’s convenient for friends or anyone else. And Those breaks….they’re guilt free and the best! And bless the friends who understand and come over to hang out with their friend mom and their children.

I guess what I’m saying is that mommies do need breaks, but they need breaks that are free of guilt. Let your friend mom decide when a break is best for them. And if you’re available to come along, go! It will make them so happy!

Working on Us – Mental Health Prompt

I’m doing another one of BeckiesMentalMessWorking on Us” prompt!

I’ve decided to go with prompt #1 and answer a couple of questions.

How do you deal with the stigma surrounding your mental disorder/illness? If so, in what way?

The stigma around OCD is usually being a neat freak or germaphobe. But this is simply not the only way OCD affects those with the disorder. Usually when I do a compulsion, I get the “Mikayla are you OCD?” and I will laugh and say yes. Some people will laugh and think I’m just being funny…which seems to be another thing that comes about with OCD. I simply explain to them that I actually do have OCD and that it’s a real problem that causes a ton of anxiety. I usually like to explain how there are inward compulsions and outward compulsions if people are genially interested in understanding the disorder. I’m not a neat freak, mine is more inward, but things being out of a certain order will cause me panic… most everything about these things are because I feel like I will go crazy if I don’t check, fix, or avoid certain things. Which is unfortunately pretty counter productive. People are usually very understanding of it and will start to add it to my personality, which I really like. I don’t mind being teased for my OCD. It makes me feel better about having it…or being that way. Even though a bad episode will give me severe panic attacks.

I won’t scrutinize people for being uneducated about OCD. I don’t share the darker parts. I have a problem with letting people know how much I really am suffering. I feel like OCD makes me very weak, and if people knew how much it really hurts me I will be treated differently. I leave the heavier bits for my closer circle, like Daniel and my mom. I just want to be normal. So if people want to make light of it…that’s fine by me.

Does the stigma associated with mental health bother you? If so, in what way?

I’m not too bothered by the stigmas out there. One thing that does kinda bother me is that sometimes people think mental illnesses cause limitations for everyone else. Like in a classroom.

Update: What’s Been Going On

We got the living room in Daniel’s house finished, we did up the guest / Isla’s-future-room room, we painted the master room and ripped out the carpet. Now all that is left is laying floor in the master room and Daniel can technically move in and fix it up around living there!

That has practically taken most my time. But I had other things going on as well. We went to my family reunion in Ruston, LA. I love the reunion being in Ruston because Lincoln Parish Park is super nice! And also there is a ton of food. I don’t know my family very well, and don’t spite me for it… I suffer from that facial recognition issue so I can’t ever remember who anyone is unless they haven’t changed! That’s maybe 4 people. Daniel can remember them better than me. I’m very happy he can help me with that. Isla had a blast. She played with my cousin Mckenzie and a few other little kids who would be her second cousins…or third cousins…gosh my grandmother has too many siblings (13) that have grandchildren now… I’m part of the grandchildren so I have a lot of second and third cousins that I’ve been around my whole life (yes, I can remember 2 of them). I do have two first cousins, and we’re super close. But one moved to San Antonio and the other is antisocial, so they weren’t there.

I had a good time, I just wish I wasn’t so shy and boggled by all the similar faces! I would love to know my family more. As a teenager I was very withdrawn from them because I thought they were weird. Now that I have a kid and what not, they aren’t so weird anymore.

Later that day I had to be back in Ruston to paint a freakin cute raccoon door hanger with my friend Victoria and few others she knows. I enjoyed that so much. I want to do it again! Now I kinda hope my future child with Daniel is a boy so I can do a raccoon theme and use my raccoon door hanger for the nursery!

Speaking of Victoria, I went to her house another day to let Isla and her son play together in her kiddie pool she got. Lara came too. She’s been out of work for a little bit because she disliked her job too much to stay. Luckily she got another job at the college! It’s very exciting for her! I think she’ll really love it there!

I’ve been trying to get a job too….I’m gonna leave that for another blog though because there is too much to say for this update post.

I’ve been trying to catch Isla up on her summer bridge studies. I slacked on it for about a week and a half. She has done very well. She has a hard time with numbers. Poor thing got the bad math skills. I want to make sure she does well with numbers so she doesn’t have to suffer like I did. Thank goodness Daniel is brilliant at math. He can teach her where I can’t.

Bridget and I held game night at our house. There were nine people! We played Secret Hitler and some Catan. I wish we would have played more Catan. But those who didn’t feel like strategy preferred Secret Hitler.

And yeah. That’s what’s been going on! It’s been a lot. A lot of time away from internet and sit down time. The couple of times I had me time, I just wanted to lay in bed and watch TV. Hibernate some, ya know? That’s what us introverted people have to do to recover from so much socializing.

Update: I’ve Been MIA and I’m SOOO Sorry

I will be blogging about everything! Don’t worry! But until then, here are some dolls Isla and I made!

They should be GIFs but I can’t seem to get them to animate. I’ll have to see if Daniel can figure this one out. The website we use is an old website I used to play on as a kid, so it’s possible the coding or something is just wrecked for these days.

My Favorite Greek God

Hades. My favorite Greek god is Hades.

Why?

Because I’ve read about him. And I like his story. And it probably helps that I’ve maybe even read some romances about him and Persephone.

I like them.

Here are some good mythology books that I LOVE OMG. In order because YES THAT MATTERS.

The Covenant series by Jenifer Armentrout.
The Goddess Test series by Aimee Carter
Into the Dark by Bree Despain

Yeah…I never read the Percy Jackson books. Don’t be a hater. I was just too old by the time I got done being a fan of Harry Potter. And yeah…Only one of those books is Hades and Persephone based. But if you haven’t read the Covenant series…listen….READ IT. It’s good. Great. Armentrout can write. You should read all her books supernatural books. OK BYE

Diary Entry: Bridget and I Went to Crossett for Research for HWY16

Every town has it’s myths, and Crossett, AR has a big one. The Crossett light is an alluring willow of the wisp that appears down an old dirt road in Ashley County Arkansas, causing light traffic to kick up dust in hopes of seeing the ghost light.

Bridget and I decided to head that way and discover all that we could about the ghost light that we have both personally seen.

Our first destination was the Crossett Library, where we found history to begin our search on understanding the mysterious light a little more.

According to the book Tent City: A History of Crossett Arkansas by John W. Buckner, this light is a romantic device to hurry along the long search to find one’s soulmate. It all began with Rose Marie and David (last names unknown) who fell in love and moved into a house beside the old railroad tracks. This railroad was apparently a huge part of their romance, because David quit his great job at the mill to work for the railroad.

Because his house was right off the tracks, he would just jump off the caboose and greet his wife, who, no matter what time or weather, would be waiting for him to jump off the train. Well, one late night, the train was incredibly late and David dropped his lantern and had to jump off blind. He lost his footing and boom, head gone, right in front of Rose Marie.

She screamed and ran to his headless body and held him until people showed up. No one could find his head. The funeral was the next day. He was buried in Unity Cemetery. As for Rose Marie, she began searching non stop for his head. Some say it was carried off by a wolf.

In another History of Crossett book by the same author, he tells us how students from Yale University studied the light, but their study came up inconclusive. Some say it was gas from a swamp nearby. Others claim aliens and their UFOs are to blame.

So, we have no last names, but some googling found the name Lochalas. But death records showed no Rose Marie or David Lochalas. So we went to Unity Cemetery to see for ourselves.

At the cemetery we ran into a guy who claimed he lived close to the light and had seen many weird things. This guy told us some crazy stories about camping near the light. He knew the cemetery and said that he didn’t think he could help, but if we find a legit last name then he will look on the list for us. I guess he’s the keeper. He did say the Lochalas family is all up in this place.

Needless to say, we found no evidence of this couple. But, the cemetery was established by the second oldest church in Crossett, thus, many graves are unreadable and some are only marked by stakes or rubble.

From there we made our way to where the light shows up. Only we did so in the daylight. We flew a drone over the area where the house….some house….station? The location is the old Bouvine Station or something. I’m not to sure. The fact that the light has changed locations has made it difficult to know what is so significant about this area.

We found nothing special. No swamps. No crop circles or anything alien suspicious. Just a bunch of woods and overgrown brush.

HWY16 Podcast – Mikayla and Tyler and kinda sorta Bridget explore the Crossett Light

Happy Father’s Day

Fathers day is a weird one this year! Daniel had been a father figure for Isla for so long that it felt weird not getting him something. So Isla and I picked out a “Thank You” card so it wouldn’t be too weird.

I bought the ingredients for Isla to make her daddy his favorite pie. He got a Star Wars card.

My dad got the coolest card. It was a marvel card. He got an old unopened DC comic that Daniel found for him. He really liked it!!

Mass was nice too.

Happy Fathers day to all!!

Diary Entry: De-cluttering!

My desk had gotten so bad! I have so many projects I get started on, and then I end up getting lost in the mess! I also have a problem with keeping pencils and pens, and then buying more….

I finally threw a lot away, put what needed to go into my backpack in a school bag in the drawer, and all the not yet sharpened pencils together in another bag. So, I have a lot less in my drawer as well. I put my library books in my room on my nightstand. Organized the inside of my desk, And while there’s a lot more I would like to do to clean and organize it, this will do for now. It’s like truly more fresh now!

(In the pictures, the inside of my desk and drawer don’t look that great, but honestly, it’s a lot more organized and WAY less junk. I put my slime making stuff in the desk too. I would like to maybe add a shelf in there above the binders. I wonder how possible that is. We need more storage in general. But we have very little money.)

I also cleaned out my nightstand in my room and got rid of a lot in there. I feel like I can breathe! I really don’t like clutter. Yet, I let it accumulate. And having such a small apartment makes it a lot easier for clutter to happen.

So here is how it turned out!

Bridget and I will probably go today to get a frame for the puzzle under my laptop. If we have the money for. I’m tired of it being there. Then we have to figure out where we want to hang it up. I think in the dinning area would be cute.